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10:04 p.m. - 2002-01-28 Not really, I hate that shit, it's just that you can take the freestyler off of tha street corner, but you can't make a white guy into a good rapper. Really, my employment woes are over. I'm going to retire. I don't know why I never thought of it before, but retirement would fit right in with my lifestyle for the most part. The thing is I'm already bored around the house from the last few months of sporadic, mixed with un, employment. See, you wouldn't know it from my recent life episodes, but I am a man of action. If I'm not busy driving a dog sled team across the frozen tundra in the Ididerod Race (that's the way us six time winners spell it, okay) then I'm likely to be found wrestling pteridactel(again, champ's spelling) on top of a volcano somewhere on dinosaur island. Because these activities no longer pose any significant challenge to me, combined with the fact that there is nothing on TV anymore, I need to come up with a new plan to stave off the devil's workshop, idle hands. For this I looked to our senior citizen community to see what those old ass motherfuckers do when they get bored of walking as slow as possible right in front of me, or driving just as slow, again in right in front of me. You may be surprised, as I was, that they can still be of use even when they appear to be the same age as the concept of having a gay dude and a homophobic dude room together on the real world. Often times they will serve the community by helping to collect money for huge, corporate, beef selling junk food depots, or even handing out regulation foot wear at the ol' bowling alley. Go oldies! Unfortunately for me, these two jobs are either unavailable in my area, or are out of my field of expertise. Luckily, right when I make the best decision of my life--retirement--I get an offer for a job in a construction company. Perfect! Just what I need to fill those long days in between now and death! So, as of today I am officially retired, and I start my new job on Monday. Until then it's dinner at 3:30pm every evening! Ahhh, this is the life.
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