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5:00 p.m. - 2002-02-24 There I was, at the shopping center fixing to rent a VHS tape to take home and play in my VHS recorder/player when I passed by a party shop that was ALREADY boasting Presidents Day decorations for next year. Or so I thought. I stormed into the place to give them a piece of mind about bastardizing this grand holiday by trying to commercialize the hell out of it, but was soon set straight as to the purpose of the P-day dec sale. It was all surplus from this years festivities that the store needed to liquidate in order to make room for the forthcoming 2003 model P-day decs due out later this year. Thus they were selling the goods at rock bottom prices!! Now in case you didn't see my nose clearly in that pic I posted a few entries back, let me explain something. I'm a Jew. While this does not translate to being good with money in any way, it does cause some sort of pheromonal effect with sales that drives me to stock up whenever possible. I left the store loaded down with everything I could carry, from fly George Washington cut outs with movable limbs, to a dope-ass false Lincoln beard. I even got some Presidents day wrapping paper! I can't wait until next February! Ghostfox brought it to my attention that left handed people statistically have shorter life spans than righties. This got me to thinking. As far as I know, not one reader who has listed me as a favorite has passed away in the months that I have kept this journal. It is also a fact that many, many people who have not listed me, or even read me at all, have died in the same time period. The implications are obvious--list me for your health. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for your loved ones. They want to see you live a long, fruitful, healthful life. Imagine little Pepe's face dropping when he finds out that you had this medical tool at your disposal and opted not to use it, thrusting you into the statistically unstable non-heckafresh listing group. That little sucker will be heartbroken. He may even drop to his knees and shriek "Why!?!" to the heavens a la Godfather three! But unlike when Sophia Coppella dies, even the observers won't find joy in the scene. The choice is yours friends. Also, to all the drivers on the freeway: MERGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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