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12:00 a.m. - 2001-09-24
Poop instead of shit
Man, only ten or eleven entries and the angst ridden teen in me has been re-born.

I forgive myself. After all, the past couple of weeks has thrown me on my ear. I want to be able to look back at this time in my life and not just be reminded of all the personal work. I like putting my thoughts on permanent record, but I don't want to forget the things that round out my life.

Here's one of the many reasons I love Janey.

There is an asian candy that consists of geletin and fruit in a bite sized plastic cup. Jane loves the lychee flavor and will buy the jumbo sized container at costco every now and then.

About two months ago there was a scandel that surfaced around the lychee cups because parents would give them to their young children, and the kids would swallow them whole and choke. There is a warning on the label that states not for kids under five, but still, eight children choked to death world wide. So the supermarkets pulled them.

I may be wrong, but eight kids world wide doesn't seem that drastic. I don't know how many kids have choked on chicken bones, but I hope Broasters doesn't have to stop making their delicious chicken dinners any time soon. It's the "Broasting" that makes it so good by the way.

When Jane heard the news she was devestated. No more lychee cups was a hard blow for her to take. Luckily, one of her quick thinking girlfriends was kind enough to rush out and stock up for her before they all got yanked. She purchased three big tubs for Jane who ate them all within a week. Two thirds of the last tub was devoured yesterday.

Last night my brothers, Jane and I were just about out the door to see the movie LIE, when Jane had one of those gotta-go-now-right-this-minute-stomach-things-that-we-all-go- through-every-now-and-then-no-need-to-explain-any-further-I'm-sure, that was not really serious, but serious enough for her to want to stick close to the comforts of home, if you know what I mean.

So after assuring me that she was fine alone, I went out with my brothers and watched the movie without her.

What does a story of Janes fondness for a dangerous candy, or her distressed digestive system have to do with my adoration of her?

Simply this: even after discovering that the label on the lychee cups clearly advertised said product as a good source of dietary fiber, even after doing the calculations and discovering that one who eats two thirds of a tub would ideed be getting over two hundred percent of the daily recomended dose of fiber (not including whatever else one ingested that day), she was able to rule out any suspicion of lychee cup involvment in the incident, and place the blame squarly on a sudden, temporary lactose intolerance that developed just that morning when she had a glass of milk, case closed, gimme the rest of that tub of lychee cups to celebrate a crack diagnosis.

How could I not love her?

Woohoo! Not even two weeks and I' m already writing about toilet stories. Wow, my shit and my girlfriends poop, I do have a well rounded life.


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