Get your own
 diary at! contact me older entries newest entry

3:09 a.m. - 2001-10-27

Me and Janie just breaked up. I'm scared.

I know that it is the right thing for both of us. But I'm still scared. I love her. She is my family. We...................

It's going to be good though. We both view our relationship as a success. A victory. She helped me through an incredible time in my life. She didn't let me down. She did her part, even when it was difficult and painful. She says I did the same for her. But we're done. Truthfully, I think we knew it from the get go. We are so different in so many ways, we had things to teach each other. But now the lesson has been learned, the fruit has been harvested. Mostly just the differences remain. We won, but now the game has been played.

She needs to see that she can take care of herself. I need to let go of her so she can- the dynamic has outlived it's usefulness. She needed to be taken care of, she never really had been before. I had to learn how to take care of someone-not to want to-but to actually do it. To prove to myself that I could.

We had some things to face about cycles of pain in our lives that have been going on for generations in our families. We helped each other to learn how to begin to break that cycle. When we met, we were both poised for that. We really were perfect for each other. But now that we've successfully grown, we've outgrown the things that made our relationship important. The fire that drove us onward is flickering out. I'm so thankful that one of the fruits of our being together is that we have gained the insight and respect for each other to follow through with this part now. This is where it historically can get ugly, but we are equipped to do what we need to do to take care of ourselves and let the other take care of themselves.

Here I go again. Doesn't it ever slow down? I guess I'll have plenty of time to rest after I die.

I love you Janie, we won.


previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at!