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2:49 p.m. - 2001-11-04
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Procrastinate (prokras' tinat) v.i. 1 to put off action. 2 to be dilatory.
Dilatory (dil' eteri) a. 1 causing or tending to cause delay. 2 addicted to or marked by procrastination.

If you want the real definitions, just look at this entry. I still have not sent out my resumes. I still have not called a single number in the paper. Not faxed a single fax, or typed the first character toward a cover letter.

Heckafresh (hek' a fresh) p.n. 1 A dilatory procrastinator. 2 lazy fuck. 3 a fool who claims to be responsible yet is easily amused and distracted by things such as monkeys dressed as humans or dicovering that the word "dildo" is in the dictionary right after "dilatory".
Dildo (dil' do) n. (pl. dildos, dildoes) an object serving as an erect penis, used as a sex aid.

I have been forcing myself to get back to the gym a little more. No more of this twice a week shit if I can help it. I went yesterday and saw one of my favorite gym rats. Barking Dude.

Barking Dude is a man around the age of fifty, who has been working out for years and years. He goes six times a week. He loves the gym, and he doesn't mind backing you into a corner to explain just how much every chance he gets. "It's better than sex!", he has claimed over and over again to me and my friends. Believe me, having an man around the age of my pop tell me that lifting weights makes him feel better than an orgasm will never lose it's power to creep me the fuck out, no matter how many times it happens. I mean it.

Not only that, he loves to relive the days before our gym got so popular by recounting stories to us of "late night" lifting sessions where the "heavyweights" would take off their shirts to do bench presses and grunt as loud as they wanted. Yes, this is how he describes it.

Thank god for the rise in membership.

He received the name Barking Dude for obvious reasons. He used to be Steve. But that all changed a few years back, when the (thankfully) short lived trend of barking as a greeting between males was emerging. Barking Dude took to it like a baby to a box of Kleenex. He loved it, and even as the tradition was petering out, and songs like "Who Let the Dogs Out" started nailing the coffin shut by winning Grammies and whatnot, Barking Dude decided to keep the spirit of the thing alive, even if it meant shouldering the complete burden himself. He ignored the onset of other annoying greetings. No "Waaasaaap!". No "Waaaasaaabiii!". He found his true love in barking, and needed look no further.

So he barks. Not even the big meat-heads at the gym will bark back anymore, but it doesn't deter him. He barks and he will continue to bark, of this I am sure.

Barking dude, yet another member of the team of dancers in my skull that does his part to keep me from productivity.

Good work Barking Dude, now please, go sit the rest of this one out.

Next off the bench; day dreams of a future "old man Heckafresh", who will grow a gray beard down to his belly button, and shake his fist at everything that moves.


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