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4:10 p.m. - 2001-11-06
I'm sure the baby one would would be cute but...
A whole family of monkeys wearing clothes couldn't cheer me up or distract me right now. Not even if they were wearing tie-died sixties clothes. Unless they started tearing up my apartment or something. Even then, I'm not so sure. Hmmm…But can they do acrobatic tricks, these hippie monkeys? If they could do acrobatic tricks…Okay, forget the monkeys.

Here comes the hard part. Me and Janey. We took a week off from thinking about it all, but surprisingly, things didn't repair themselves in that time. That's a hell of a thing, ain't it?

I need stuff, she needs to not give stuff.

Her Mom is a fucking mad woman. She is in incredible mental anguish and is as caustic as battery acid.

I want to protect her from her mom. I want to exist solely for her. I want to give up my own needs and expectations in order to give her the space she needs to take care of herself.

Can't do any of it.

It hurts…I'm sure everybody has faced this boring shit before themselves, so I won't indulge in a useless rant about the pain of it as if I discovered a brand new emotion. Y'all get it.

So there it is, the little rest that we allowed ourselves is over. Time to begin to separate. I just hope for both our sakes, we have the strength to do it right and not lose our cool when we start to feel the pain in earnest.

That's all.

P.S. I sent out a resume and cover letter today. See? I don't procrastinate that much!


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