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10:50 p.m. - 2001-11-08 The beauty of riding on a pendulum is the upswing. At this moment, I can actually see it being able to it work out, and we stay pals. Jane would make a good pal. I want to see her happy, even without me. Right now at least. We went over to Berkeley today. I love the East Bay. The weather is better, and there is an energy in the air that makes me feel both sad and optimistic at the same time. I'll explain that another time. You know what's funny to me? The way really angry, yet scared people will talk shit as they walk away from a confrontation. I have almost gotten my ass kicked that way a few times. It doesn't help being smarter than some huge dude if he's gonna pound you repeatedly in the place where you come up with all the wise cracks. If you've ever seen a little dog who thinks he's a big tough dog, then you have a good picture of me in a stupid male stand-off moment. I gots the stance and the glare down to where I can shock a big ass thug into backing off at first, but if I give him the extra time to think by flappin' my lips, he'll figure out that objects are not as big as they appear or sound, remember the days of the Sesame Street lessons,(BIIIIG!!!!!~~SMAAAALL!!!!) and the bluff is called. So far so good though. I have yet to catch a bad one and have learned to shut the damn thing up a little more. But I still don't trust it. I'm waiting for that adrenaline filled moment when the tension begins to dissipate, and the huge mountain of muscle and fist turns around to walk away leaving me to continue using my upper face for breathing and lookin' at stuff, only to have my lower face mutter something like "that's what I thought, punk." just a little too soon and a little too loud. STOOPID MOUTH! JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE BIG DOESN'T MEAN THE REST OF ME IS! I hope it reads this entry and gets the picture, the little punk ass�HEY! The motherfucker bit me! Ahaha. I talked as if my mouth is a person. Yeah, I'm getting tired of it too.
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