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4:50 p.m. - 2001-12-20
I bum for Macy's
I went to try to see The Hobbit with Blueberry today.

I am feeling pretty shitty so I, and trust me this is the first time I ever tried this move, decided to wear my new jammie bottoms to the movie in anti celebration of my break-up with Jane. They are not really jammies, they are fleece pants, but they really have no business seeing the light of day.

On top of that I wore this cheap ass pair of slip on shoes that really are more like slippers and lean even further toward the slipper end of the footwear spectrum when sticking out the bottom of fleece pants.

I looked like a fucking Muppet from the waist down.

Now generally speaking, I try to look decent when out in public, but today I figured that since I was going to spend three hours sitting in the dark watching elves climb around on mountains and shit, I might as well be comfortable. Plus fleece pants are great for moping.

But the damn thing was sold out. So we walked around downtown surrounded by well dressed women. And I didn't forget that I looked like a Muppet for a single second.

There were homeless people better dressed than I was. I'm serious. I paid attention and many of them were pretty well fitted. There was one in particular that Blueberry pointed out to me that was carrying a picket-style sign high in the air that explained some complex galaxy politics. Blueberry said he is down there everyday spreading the galaxy propaganda. On the back side of the sign was an advertisement for a local record shop that was hand made and very well done, all in crayon, explaining how the record shop in question was galaxy approved. He must have spent a good amount of time coloring it.

Looking back on the day, I still remember the name and address of the record shop he was promoting. After being bombarded with hundreds of adverts downtown, the one that stuck was the one being walked around by a schizo.

That might be a good job for the homeless. Give them all a sandwich board each to carry around as they walk the streets. It is proven effective, and the guy I saw wasn't even hollering at an invisible friend like many of them are prone to do. The see-through people be-rater guys would get even more attention for the businesses.

Today I indulged in a little day dream that I could act "infirm" downtown for a day. It seems like it would relieve a lot of stress to walk around yelling random things and having conversations with people who didn't exist about fantastic subjects. What would be the harm in it? Nobody would know that I was faking it.

I told Blueberry my idea and she approved, but then I thought about how something like that could be habit forming, and eventually the line between pretending, and being would be blurred.

Who knows, maybe that's how picket-sign man got started, and look at him now, corporate sponsorship.


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