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6:39 p.m. - 2002-02-23
27 going on the rest of my natural life.
You know what I like? When radio commercials that are selling snake oil have "testimonials" from people who I, though I have never met them and am only judging them by their ten second sound bite of fame--obviously wrong of me, would go out on a limb to categorize as imbeciles.

They say things like, "I have been over weight for most of my natural life…" Why natural? What does that word indicate in this context?

"I have tried all of the pills and the liquids and the medicines, but I had to stick with the fish and the chicken. I couldn't have the pizza, I couldn't have the burgers, I couldn't have the fries. With this product I eat all that."

TRY EXERCISING!

Also, what is the point of adding the "going on" when stating your age? If the person to whom you are relaying the fact that you are twenty three doesn't already know that next you will be twenty four, well then you might want to switch to saying "peek-a-boo" because it's either a two year old (going on three) or the fucking president.

You know who else is dumb? Scientists. Sure they are good at math and chemistry and research and junk, but where's the common sense? The finding that people who sleep more than 8 hours a day statistically die at a younger age could, just maybe, have something to do with the fact that sick people sleep more than healthy people. What is it that they are trying to distract us from with all of the bullshit?

I feel like there's nothing wrong but there's nothing right.

 

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