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9:22 p.m. - 2002-03-01
Why am I telling you this?
Because it's true.

That's the sharp, poisoned tip of the thing. How and why would I want to continue on knowing that I have to take me with me wherever I go?

I suggest that everybody leave me, if for no other reason than that you can.

But, but , but…there has to be a fix for it, I can't be an incurable asshole with a self hatefulness that spills over into outward hatefulness and makes sure that it unhappifies the masses as well. There has to be a cure for that shit.

See, I'd like to take that part of me that knows how to hurt me so well and efficiently and with such time honed skill that it could pick even your most tender wound to salt and prod, yes you Mr/Ms.Reader, I'd like to take it out and beat it with the wrath and vengeance of a parent who has finally got their hands on the monster that raped and abused their only child leaving them a wreck, unable to have healthy relationships, scared to have children of their own, not ever feeling free to enjoy themselves completely without fear and torment and blame destroying anything that could lead to happiness…and continue beating it and beating it until we both die from our wounds and exhaustion.

Then I want to laugh and laugh and laugh when I find that we have been reincarnated together again.

PS Now I like my new job!

 

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