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5:47 p.m. - 2002-03-06
Call Huey Lewis.
Iíve discovered my new drug of choice.

Itís safe, cheap, legal and you experience the ill effects of it BEFORE the fact instead of the next day like so many other inferior drugs.

Unfortunately, there is no profit built in anywhere so I have no problem sharing it with the world, and much like my other million dollar idea that I released to the public last year, all I ask is that I get credit for it.

See, right before I left work I drank a large cup of coffee, (not Starbucks A-F), and then got in my truck to make the 45-60min commute home. About half way through the trip my bladder started complaining that it needed to void the byproduct of the decafination process that had just occurred in the olí torso-piece, and by the time I was pulling into my driveway the complaints turned to shrieks.

Iím sure you have all been in the situation where you have to go so bad that you get your front door key in your hand--right way up--as you exit your vehicle and plan your route to the toilet on your way to the door. That was me.

So I made it, thanks to the careful planning, and as the stream of liquid trash exited my penis I was struck with the notion that it had to be one of the best feelings I have ever experienced and that it was worth every second of discomfort that preceded it.

So from now on I am going to drink a quart of the beverage of my choice before I get in any vehicle, and I suggest you do the same.

Also, I think I told my computer that I loved it too soon, now itís acting all aloof. I mean, I donít want to smother it or scare it away by being too desperateÖbut on the other hand, I do love it so why hide it? I know, I know, if it doesnít love me the way I am then thatís all there is to it and I should move on, but itís soooo fast and cute and I really, really like it and I just want to know if it likes me too. OMG.

UPDATE: It just totally was nice to me and asked me if I wanted it to remember my password for me. Itís so sweet! Old Grey boxy piece of shit never did that. OMGLOLOMG!


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