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11:52 p.m. - 2002-06-11
But not to god though.
I was asked why I had put pictures of myself half nekkid on my site…well less asked than informed it was probably stemming from my conceited nature, and I thought back to the day I did it and remembered what it was about.

It was to embarrass myself. I was starting to feel like a modern day Cyranno, using this medium to voice the romantic notions without having my hideous face shown to the object of my affection, the audience. Don't get me wrong, I am conceited and I don't think my pictures were the hideous side that I kept from public consideration, it was more a symbolic slap in the face to myself represented in a more blatant example of my new found obsession with exhibitionism through online journaling.

I don't know if that makes sense, but it didn't work anyway.

I reveal some some pretty personal things about myself on this site. I show my vulnerablities and display my weaknesses regularly. It is really all in an attempt to let myself feel okay with the times that I am that big nosed bush diver whispering to your computer screen in an attempt to build myself up through my own typed words.

I was also thinking about the olden days again. The days when suitors courted their sweetheart through hand written letters delivered via the pony express. Now we have email and guest books instead of penned prose and scented envelopes. No conclusion to this thought though.

My computer took a dive today, and I am typing this on the ol' crash o matic. She doesn't seem to mind me coming back to her even if it is just because my new girl stomped out. I know she won't mind when I turn my back once the trophy wife is back in full effect either.

How did the new one get hooped you ask? I don't know, but it did come with in minutes of trying to configure pirated DSL acceptance. No, I didn't pray on one knee. Yes I do deserve it for my blasphemy.

I'm sorry god, I thought I could just repent on my death bed and what-not. Just give me one more chance and I'll change my ways! I swear!

 

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