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12:54 a.m. - 2002-06-14
Except you, of course.
No, no. That wouldnít be right.

My computer is fixed, and I still went outside today. They havenít stopped serving dippiní dots at McDonalds, but I stopped being suckered into buying them for $2.20 plus tax. What a rip-off! I donít care if it is the ice cream of the future, our grand kids sure must like small portions. They make it look like you get a bowl as big as my head on the poster, but it isnít even as big as a huge squirrels head! Or a mongooseís head! Maybe a small wild hAREs head, or the skull of one after the flesh has rotted away and been well picked by bugs and scavengers, but thatís it!

Speaking of, have you ever stopped to contemplate that the only reason we like squirrels is because they have big eyes and fluffy tails, unlike their hated cousins of the beady eyes and stringy tails? You donít see old folks trying to feed bits of cheese to rats in the park, and you donít see punk rockers with squirrels on their shoulders. I bet rats would love old folk dispensed cheese, and squirrels would love punk rocker rides. That isnít fair. To either of them.

Being understood is fun.

I ate a sammich as big as a two and a half week old baby yesterday. It really was like two big sammiches the size of third trimester fetuses, but they call it one sammich. I basically gave reverse birth. It was good and all, but the effort to consume it left me plum tuckered out, cause them vittles was powerful big. I canít compare it to the head of any rodent on record, but just believe me when I say I wish I hadnít done it. Fuck.

In other news, fuck everybody.

I'm bored and I have a tattoo.

The end.

 

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