3:30 p.m. - 2002-06-14
Iím reading a really good book. I have been reading it for a long time, much longer than I usually take to read a book, but it is a book that takes concentration. It has a passage that I wish I wrote myself about the lovely cuss. Here it is:
This instance in particular proves that beneath all that cool pseudo-academic hogwash lurked a very passionate man who knew how important is was to say ďfuckĒ now and then, and say it loud too, relish its syllabic sweetness, its immigrant pride, a great American epic word really, starting at the lower lip, often the very front of the lower lip, before racing all the way to the back of the throat, where it finishes with a great blast, the concussive force of the K catching up then with the F already on its way, thus loading it with plenty of offensive edge and certainly ambiguity. FUCK. A great by-the-bootstrap prayer or curse of you prefer, depending on how you look at it, or use it, suited perfectly for hurling at the skies or at the world, or sometimes, if said just right, for uttering with enough love and fire, that the woman beside you melts inside of herself, immersed in all that word-heat
There are lots of other things I wish I wrote in this book. Screamingemu recommended it to me in my guestbook promising that I wouldnít learn anything about myself from it, but I am so self involved I can make it all pertain to me with little effort. I love it more than I love anything at the moment. I am going to read it again as soon as I am finished.
I am a real person. There are things that I like about myself that donít make my life as easy as it could be. One of them is that I am open to the point that it can easily be misconstrued as insincerity. When there is something that I like about a person I usually tell them what it is. A lot of people use compliments as a way to trick people into liking them. Those bastards ruin it for us nice guys who donít see the point in pretending we are too cool to notice the good in people. So what is the choice we are left with? Either be honest and face the consequences of having someone be scared that your words are loaded and perhaps even an attempt at manipulation, or actually make an effort to be dishonest and keep the shit to yourself. I think Iíll just chase them all away until I find one that believes they are actually likable and worthy of my view of them.
And, also go out and purchase House of Leaves. It is a good book and perfect for reading while you eat Altoids Tangerine Sours, which is another highly recommended buy. I have no stock in either item, the praise for them is sincere.