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11:06 p.m. - 2002-09-08
Even maggots sleep.
What a great invention!

My maggot farm I mean. Already I have learned so much about our disgusting little larvae friends it is astounding! For instance; maggots sleep, just like the rest of us! This was discovered in a panic when I looked at my farm only to see none of the little critters crawling around. I immediately started to mourn the loss of them all, Fatty-cakes the most obviously, and began the serious task of beating myself up over not providing them with all of the elements they may need in order to survive the environment that I provided them with. While beating yourself up for killing maggots in a chocolate milk bottle is non-productive on its own, it would eventually be the catalyst that allowed me to improve upon my design and have kids everywhere screaming and crying on X-mas morning when they open their packages and find something lame like a Barbie doll or video game instead of what they really wish they got from Santa…and if you can’t figure out what that is then it means two things:

1. You don’t listen to your kids.

2. You don’t watch Nickelodeon where my maggot farm commercials will be saturating the air-waves with propaganda in the form of showing children having the time of their god damned lives looking at maggots in their own maggot farm.

IRregardless, it turns out Fatty-cakes and the gang are alllllright! No improvments necessary. They was just snoozing the way that we all like to. This is turning into a social experiment in a way, because the more I learn about maggots, the less I hate them. They are just like me, for the most part. They like Chocolate milk, they sleep, they crawl around on their bellies, they make girls scream, “gross!”…

It’s hard to hate things when you began to understand them more, and that is the only thing that will end the violence in our schools, and the planet earth. For instance, if only Bush could see that he is a violent, evil, destructive, power hungry warmonger just like Saddam, maybe he would quit expecting me to believe a word he says.

My newest approach to quit being an asshole, namely, cutting it the fuck out, seems to be working so far. Updates forthcoming.

 

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