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8:40 p.m. - 2002-09-10
Don't worry about it though, I can heal you of your evilness.
One day I was flipping through the TV stations using my remote when I happened upon a camera shot of a huge coliseum filled to capacity. I thought it must be wrestling or some such, but it turned out to be one of those guys with funny hair who can heal people by invoking the power of Jesus. He would have people led up on stage by his ushers and do some weird hand thing, then the people would fall down and get caught by the ushers and wake up to find that they can move their fingers and jump for joy and stuff.

See, the thing of it is, that guy makes mad loot by tricking people into sending him money. When I saw it, I thought ďHaha! He canít heal people by invoking Christ and what not!Ē But, judging by the crowd he had watching and a prayiní many, many folks think that he can.

My teacher in fourth grade told me that back in the olden days there was a diet pill scam that entailed selling small sections of a tapeworm encased in a gel cap. The purchaser would swallow the cap and become a tapeworm host and thus lose pound after pound of unwanted weight.

I canít decide if I want to give people parasites or trick them into sending me money by having my friends fall down and then get up and dance for joy.

One thing I do know, I am sick of not taking advantage of peoples stupidity for my own monetary gain.

Before you start your finger wagging and tsk-tsking, just remember this rationalization, Iíll be giving back to the community with tons of tapeworm encapsulation or crutch tossing jobs. Iíll be helping the economy, something that your moralizing does nothing to fix.

Now whoís the evil one?


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