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10:29 a.m. - 2002-09-14
I'd still throw her hat in a puddle though.
I remember the first time I was ever mean to my wee sis Kaffer very clearly. Her and I were best friends when we was teeny, and when we first moved back to Canada we played together all the time. When I got home from kindygarden she would greet me every day with an excited exclamation of “Hyeli!”, and we would go watch cartoons or explore the huge wooded area that our house was smack in the middle of.

On day I decided to try to be mean to her. It was conscious, and was one of those things that you plan out that works better than you could have hoped.

She used to wear a little beret all over the place. It was fucking adorable, and my plan was to take her little beret and toss it in to a huge puddle. That part was easy, but the next part was where it turned fiendish. After the piece of head gear was deposited, I suggested that she lean over and retrieve it, and as soon as she was teetering and cantilevered over it I gave her the ol college shove that sent her head first into the drink.


In goes the wee sis, and instead of joy at my practical joke came terror on my part when she lay prone in the puddle instead of getting her face back out to the dryness of the atmosphere.

I tore ass into the house screaming “Mom! Mom! Katherine is under the water!” Which was a resounding alarm to my mother. We raced back to the mud puddle, both of us fearing the worst, though my fear was mixed with the guilt of responsibility.

When we reached the scene of the crime we found that Kaf’s self preservation instincts did indeed kick in and had her sit up in the middle of the puddle, wailing, with dripping beret reaffixed to her lil head.

When my mom asked me what happened I tried to sell it to her that when she reached over to get her hat I my shoving her was to “give her a little help”, and my mom, not used to me being a dick-head yet, was able to find the comedy in the no real harm done situation.

This was not the last time I was mean to her by a long shot, and different revenges were exacted through out the years as well, but I am happy to say that we are through with that era of our relationship, and back to pals of high standing again. I would like to go back and change anything I ever did to her that caused her undue grief, but shit, I’d like X-ray vision too.

Tomorrow, the time I thought I almost killed my wee brother Pooker.


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