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9:20 p.m. - 2002-09-15
Baby space camp is all it was.
The jolly jumper.

A device used to help babies strengthen their legs and improve balance and co-ordination. It is a basket seat that suspends from a doorway and dangles the lil gaffers feet at floor level by elastic bungee cords allowing the youngster to jump and bounce using their budding leg muscles.

It also allows a child to be left in a trapped position while the parent does some activities elsewhere with the knowledge that the lil brat is safe from harm.

Unless the brat in question has an older brother not unlike myself who opts to improve upon the intended use of the device, that is.

See, I always liked fun. And I liked my lil brother Pooker a lot too. And when he was in the jolly jumper, I thought that if I gave him a little help he could have the time of his young fucking life. I saw his dangling there in mid air as an opportunity to give him a sweet little ride by twisting him up a little bit and letting the potential energy of the spiraled elastic turn into kinetic energy….blah, blah, blah, you get the point. He liked it, and the more he giggled, the more determined I became to increase the jolly of his jumper. So after twisting him up a little more, and a little more each time, I finally decided that it was time to go for the gusto and really let him get his amusement on. I started to spin him, the bungee getting more and more twisted, eventually raising him several inches off the floor as it buckled and tightened above his little head. Revolution after revolution, tighter and tighter, until about half of what I hoped to attain in spring action was achieved, but fate stepped in and loosened my grip on the boy.


He immediately started in reverse, and was soon spinning so fast that not only was his body turned horizontal, but I was afraid to put my hand in to stop his motion for fear of injury to myself and/or him. It seemed like he was turning forever, and even at six years old I knew immediately that I had made a sizable error in my engineering of this wild ride.

Again, mother was retrieved. Again, I explained that no harm was meant. As we looked at the dazed and confused lil brother in the swaying seat, his expression said it all. A new level of dizziness had been achieved that day, an unplanned experiment of the effects of high G-force on toddlers had been undertook.

The only conclusion the experiment allowed me, even till today is simply that I’m glad that I was the oldest.


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