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3:39 p.m. - 2002-12-10
Cellophane and cellular-phones.
I hate my cell phone, as has been noted in previous entry. One thing that surpasses my cell phone in its garnering of hecka-hate, though, is a certain cell phone commercial where the premise is that if you download a stupid ring that sounds like an Atari version of a Papa Roach song, beautiful, stupid women will want to bed you down because to them it means that you must be in a band.

Whoever buys this theory should be exterminated. There should be a question on the web-site that allows downloads asking if you think that your cell phone ring will actually get you some poon, and if you answer yes, along with the horrible sounding ring tone, a 10,000 volt shock should be delivered to your stupid ass via the airwaves.

Phone rings. Are you fucking kidding me with this shit? I have to admit, I have made it my business to pick the ring most conducive to annoying the fuck out of those I love, but it has gotten past the point where I can enjoy it now. Everywhere I go it sounds like a fucking arcade, with beeps and whirs and blips and buzzes. I don’t even care about the racket that much, just the idea that people actually like the ring that they chose gets my feathers ruffled.

You know what I want? I want my phone to spit out confetti and streamers and shriek, “This boy right here is a popular mu-fucker! He gots a call on his cell phone coming in right now! Look at him, wit his bad ass! For a sexy lil’ freak like him it would be smart money to bet that it is some fine ass bitch callin’ to ask him to come through and sex her good like only he can!!”

I’d download that.

In other news, there is more evidence that if there is a Deity, it has a twisted sense of humor. Bean stopped taking the pill and, thanks to hormone levels being regulated normally again, her sex drive has SKYROCKETED. I am pleased about this, as you would imagine, but we are back to the plastic barrier method of contraception and the worries that go along with said method failing. Also, much like ODB, I like it raw. I know I am not alone in that preference, but I am very self centered when it comes to penile sensitivity and the fact that lots of other people use condoms all the time does not make my own safer sex feel any more or less spectacular.


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