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1:00 a.m. - 2003-04-20
And my neices and nephews best learn how to walk on my neck to fix these headaches.
Oh my everlovin head piece!

It hurts right where the neck bone attaches to the skull part. I donít care for the sensation at all, to be perfectly frank.

So, right after I write about how much I love my job and get all drippy/mooshy about how great it is to be me right now, my boss lets me know that they are promoting me to fill a busier schedule that will make me all kinds of money and require the acquisition of a new truck. I knew this was coming, I just didnít know when exactly. The company is providing me with a helper to boss around, which is fucking awesome,(mwha-ha-ha), but the truck requirement is vexing.

See, I was informed on Thursday that I would need to have the new rig ready to go next Friday, and told that I would have all week unscheduled to take care of the shopping and tricking out with lumber rack etc. But then, the next day the ďbe readyĒ date was moved to this Monday.

Buying a new truck is a stressful ordeal, but trying to do it in two days is just plain stupid. I have decided that it is in fact too stupid for even the likes of me, so I have opted to remain cool as a fucking San Francisco mid summer day and bide my time. Rushing truck purchases under pressure by employers is how I ended up upside-down in my payments for ol purply, and that in turn nearly got me thrown in the clink when I started plotting my fraud schemes. As is my way, I have yet to be responsible enough to start my keistering of shanks plan, so prison time would have been a dismal experience.

Get what Iím saying? Fuck that, is what Iím saying really. No making the biggest purchase of my life in two days. None of it, ya heard?

I did go look around a lot today though. Poor car dealers, they are forced to be such assholes! In order to make money they have to try their damndest to get you to pay more than a vehicle is worth. There is no way to do this except to manipulate a motherfucker. That is a sad existence; steady trying to dupe the folks. You should just go into politics and at least get the respect of 70% of the population for your outrageous lies and misrepresentations.

I drinked a fucking coke about an hour ago and Iím all worked up before bedtime now as if my uncle was wrestling or playing cops and robbers with me. Iíve said it before, but I canít wait to be an uncle. Iím going to get my sisters kids as hyper as humanly possible, buy them harmonicas and drum sets and permanent markers, teach them to say phrases like ďyou gots any fries to go with that shake baby?Ē and shove them into heating vents to rob and loot sacks of gems and bars of gold, once I find out where all that stuff is.

Christ, I do love my job, but I think I would have been better suited as a cat burglar. Iím not afraid of dogs or heights, Iím small and can squeeze through tight spots, and I look smashing in all black. (Not including the mask, wise-guy)

Bean comes back in two sleeps. I was going to make an advent calendar, but god damn it, Iím lazy! Got it? Iím fucking lazy.


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