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8:07 p.m. - 2003-05-20
Not a damn thing.
Whatís up in Heckaland?


I gots my new truck piece. It is nicer than nice. It is expensiver than expensive. But it is mine, and it goes. Ironically I am making the final payment on olí purply in about a week. Haha! Very fucking funny.

I gots my new helper. He is a youngster of about 21 years of age. He is working out swell, picking it up quickly, and all that.

Jesus, I have had more nutty clients since he came on than the rest of my life combined though. It seems every widow in the bay area has me scheduled to put in an entry door for her, and they all either want to adopt me and feed me oatmeal-raison cookie after oatmeal-raison cookie, or make me prove every ten seconds that I am not trying to fuck them over by doing a shitty job and installing inferior products just because they are old ladies.

Hey yíall, when you get old and perhaps even widowed, god forbid, please remember that having a new door installed will in no way ever make it more probable that your house will fall down leaving you with nowhere to live, because when you do have that door installed, repeatedly declaring to the worker that you think they are secretly trying to put in a shitty door that will make your house fall down leaving you no place to live will drive them up the fucking wall. Fuck. The door doesnít hold up your house! Get it!?! No it doesnít! No it doesnít! No it doesnít! NO IT FUCKING DOESNíT!!!!!!!

Please donít go find a brochure that has information about a sliding glass patio door and start reading it to the worker while they are installing a steel hinged door pointing out all the information about sliding glass patio door construction. That is not the fucking door I am installing lady. No it isnít. No, see, sliding glass, this is fucking steel, sliding, not hinged, steel, not vinyl clad flex wood framedóNO! STEEL!

Please donít dispute the fact that you owe me $1140 because the order number for antique brass hardware is #609. No, make the check out for $1140. No, see the ď#Ē sign? It is not a ď$Ē sign because it has nothing to do with the price. No, donít write $609! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO!

That is stucco mould, not the frame. If that space wasnít there the door wouldnít fit. Finger jointed pine will not fall apart when it gets wet. See where it says ďcustomer responsible for all paintingĒ in the contract. Right fucking there where you initialed indicating that you understood when you signed it. Put the paint away, lady!

Iím growing my hair out to look more like The Shwazz, (thatís Patrick Swayze, for those of you who donít know).

Can you even imagine how handsome Iíll be when itís complete? Fuck!

I am also moving in bout three weeks. To a de-lux apartment on the east side. Or at least a more easterly part of the west side. The new apartment is a whole entry unto itself that will be submitted at a later date, but here is a hint, velvet-striped wallpaper in the bafroom!

Plus my new helper farts a great deal. I almost got knocked out of the second story window when he let a particularly bad one go. It was like a fucking burrow, or some other type of donkey like thing kicking me right in the chops. Only stinkier.

Yesterday Bean was wearing a skirt. I almost cried she looked so fine in it. Seriously, Iím just that much of a pussy whipped sap wimp ass sensitive sucker to do something like that. Banginí, her body is.

Nuthinís really new though, so Iíll just check in later.


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