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10:44 a.m. - 2003-06-26
Stealing and lusting after old ladies.
Christ.

Na’mean?

Okay. Um…yep.

I moved, and worked, and worked some more, and had my one-year anniversary wif Bean, and still haven’t got a haircut.

I just hooked up the internet and wow, being back online is familiar and feels like it is almost all used up.

I don’t hate old ladies anymore though, well, not all of them anyway. I had a installation this week for another widow, who at 77 years old was the most macho customer I have ever met. She INSISTED on trying to help me lift 200 lb glass panels as well as pulling nails and even wanted to get out her saws to cut up wood and shit. I did my best to humor her once I realized that no amount of protest would deter her from wanting to prove her strength, and after being irritated by it for the first half of the day it slowly became endearing. She loves me now I think, if the fifty-dollar tip and demand that I sat down for a dish of ice cream and such are any indication. She also, after hearing about my love for Bean, decided that such a lovely sounding woman deserved a gift as well, and gave her a beautiful blue and red glass vase that she had once given to her brother, but had returned to her upon his death. I tried to refuse all of her generosity, but soon realized that accepting these things would make her happy.

She told me about many jobs she used to hold, including one that had her traveling the country living out of a suitcase. When I asked her for details, she laughed, and then said she had been a model…and dancer.

I think that translates to stripper, but looking at her five foot, time tested frame, it was hard to envision. Then I saw her picture on the fridge from years back.

Va-va-va-VOOM!

So I fucked her.

Just kidding of course.

Speaking of the skin trade and clients, I also was placed in a house replacing windows for a family that included a 35 year old man who lived at home with his parents, non of whom were ever spotted sporting anything other than pajamas in the four days I was there. He was a DVD collector, and no small part of the collection was porn. In fact, I would estimate his porn dvd count at between five and seven hundred. I’m not kidding. On top of this was a whole wall filled with blank, unmarked VHS tapes, again numbering in the high hundreds. It creeped me out. I couldn’t imagine anyone having that many blank tapes without also having a camera set up somewhere. The porn collection, being so unusually extensive spun my mind into overdrive, and brought me to the conclusion that since the family owned apartment buildings it is only logical that a 35 year old porn addict who lives at home and wears nothing but pajamas all day long would use his camera to peep on the inhabitants of said apartment rental units.

Long story short, I pilfered a couple and found only basketball games and the beginning of a movie with Burt Reynolds in it.

My new apartment would have to fall into the “plush-pimperish” category. Once it is all set up and we are all moved in I will snap some pictures to prove it, so expect that in about 18 months.

And as for Beanregard, we hit a little rough patch when I pulled a bone-head, boy style move, but things have gotten even better that ever, and her work has calmed down as well as all of her hard work and long hours reached critical mass and caused an explosion of success. Hooray for Bean!

 

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