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8:41 p.m. - 2003-10-13
I am finna renew my gold membership real soon. (yes I know you couldn't care less)
You ever look at so many pornographic images that closing your peepers leads to ghostly visions of penetration dancing across your eyelids?

Try it. Sífun.

Speaking of retina burned images, today was a day that shall live forever in infamy. It had our hero, (yes thatís me, motherfucker) installing windows in a privately run home for the elderly. I like old folks. I like most crazy folks too (see my choice of girlfriend) and old crazy folks are apt to make me think ďainít that the sweetest goddamned thing you ever seen in your whole goddamned life?Ē whenever they start talking to me about satan within ten seconds of hello, or singing old timey folk songs to me while they eat soup and watch me work, both of which happened today. But, pals o mine, there are some things they might do that are not the sweetest thing I ever seen. Or saw. Or heard. I.e., trucking in to the bathroom, that is directly across the lightwelll from the window I am holding in place, to squeeze one out via grunt and groan, while yours truly has no other option than to watch their teeny gray haired head rock back and forth as they do the doo.

I donít approve.

Now donít get me wrong here, ifín I see a mounted cop, and his horse takes a crap on the street, Iíll point and laugh with the best of them, but come ON old ladies! Pull the curtain down!

Other news, I placed second in the company for survey results. I am also the last hired of all of the crews. This makes me the best ever, in my own opinion, and worthy of accolade beyond what us earthlings have yet come to invent. For accolade giving that is. Space accolades are due me.

I work a lot of hours you know. Iím all day long fixing and installing and demolishing and driving and kissing various asses of customer and boss alike. It is an exhausting process with no sign of slowing down. I also get jabbed with sharp and jagged and infectious objects quite a bit. (and no, that has nothing to do with sucking up to the bosses, pervert!) I am talking nails, splinters, hunks of aluminum, screws, glass, blah so forth etc..

Do you see my life now!?! Everybody thinks it is all glamour and fish eggs, but itís really almost as hard as being a movie star or a meter maid. Sure I get all the free cardboard I want. Yes I wear a cap emblazoned with my company logo, and matching pocket tee. But I donít do it for the glory, chums. I do it because without windows, peeping toms would have nothing to peer through, delicious pies would have no sill on which to sit and cool and tempt hobos, suction cup ninja stars would have nowhere to be hurled toward, vote for Arnold political sign would have no place to be affixed identifying the moron dwelling behind them, and vengefully heaved bricks would have no target. I do it for the motherfucking windows. I do it for you, friends. And last, but not least, I do it for the American money they pay me.

 

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