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8:07 p.m. - 2004-01-17
Maybe I’ll just keep being a working stiff this year and start all that shit next year.
I gots me a haircut today. I was way past due. Usually I start off rather neat and dapper, then reach the mon-chi-chi stage, then the magnum P.I stage, then the David Hasselhof era, and then the shwaz stage and get my trim on. This time I went a full two stages further. The Bad news Bears look, with little curls poking out from under my work related baseball cap, and then I reached a scary category; the one I like to call “listen Eli, it’s only a matter of seconds before people notice that you are 5’4” tall AND have the hairdo of a hobbit thus searing the brand “Frodo” into your flesh so deep you will eventually forget what your good ol mom’s really named you upon your birth” stage.

So I gots me a haircut today.

Man, reality T.V. sucks. Like this new one thats coming on this month. It is basically just a freak show of stupidity where the only value to be found is in waiting for someone to say something so frighteningly ignorant…oh wait. I’m thinking of Bush’s state of the union address.

My old pal Jacob of “Jacob and Joshua, The Twins” fame called me up a while ago and invited me to see him do stand-up comedy. He was fun-nee boy. Whoo. I tell ya. Guffaws were had by all. I think I may try that shit out. I know that I must have enough comedy on this site to come up with a good act. And by on this site I am not talking about heckafreshdot. I am talking about Diaryland. Yes, yes, I am going to steal all of ya’lls best material and get filthy rich off of it. Try to find me to sue me bitch! I’ll be lappin’ up milkshakes on the prairie somewhere with all my riches! Or else sipping tropical drinks on a beach somewhere, I haven’t decided.

What If I do get rich this year? Not from stealing other people’s jokes for a stand up routine of course, I’ll prolly never even do that. But what about stealing other peoples idea? Or by the more worky avenue of coming up with my own? The means are irrelevant for this line of rhetorical questioning, so lets get to the ends.

Ahem-so what if I become independently wealthy? I have come to realize while working for rich person after rich person, that they are not any happier than the rest of us; in fact they are often times less so. It is obviously important to plan for the future, so let us look at the options.

Would I buy all sorts of fancy belongings like the morons they show on MTV Cribs

Would I gamble and give it all away to friends and relatives and chicks?

Would I donate it to charity or start a foundation for the folks who don’t have much?

Use every last dime of it in an effort to recall Bush and make the world a safer place?

Spend it on expensive drugs and cars until I die in a fiery collision?

Yell at people who I hire to come and make improvements on my home?

Think I am better than everyone else?

Fell ashamed of my wealth and success?

Man, decisions, decisions.

 

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