10:54 p.m. - 2004-02-12
It stinks!
Here�s a tip to lubricate social situations. When someone asks you to guess something so they can shock you with how wrong you are, don�t outbid them. That shit is fucked up.

For example, if I see you and say, �Hey Mortimer, how much money do you think they charged me for the groceries that I am holding in this one little bag?�, don�t reply �Ummm�. three hundred and fifty dollars?�.

The answer is $40.56, and that is highway robbery that I can not only no longer amaze you with, but even adequately complain to you about because you fucked up the scale with your idiotic guess.

Example two:

�Hey Baxter, see these pants I�m wearing right here? I got �em on sale! Guess what I paid for them!�

�A nickel?�

No, no, no, no, NO! I paid $15 dollars for them and they regularly cost twenty-four. You see how you ruin my image of thriftiness by suggesting it is plausible that I could have bought (let me see�fifteen times twenty�) THREE HUNDRED pairs for the same sum!?!?

Don�t do that anymore.

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