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7:52 a.m. - 2005-08-17
When it comes to women though, the reverse is true.
I have worked 16 days in a row at the new casino. And I am scheduled for the next 5. Since my job entails hours at the black jack table I instantly note that that is 21 days total. A winner.

The new casino is extra super okay compared to the last one. The atmosphere is much more positive because there is no disrespecting of the dealers or fellow customers allowed. Man that has calmed me down a great deal. I’m a little freak when it comes to disrespect.

The new casino brings all manner of fish and diet news as well. In the "fuck yes" department the casino floor boasts five or six badass aquariums. Not your average “oh, neato, a colorful angel fish.” type, but the “Christ! Is that a god damned three foot eel with little neon rainbow colored shrimps crawling all over it and a real honest to goodness blow-fish swimming around its jagged toofed head and another three foot eel right over there and some more great fishes over there and that fantastic one too?” type. It’s good and I like it.

But, there is a part that is bad that I don’t like. As everyone has probably noted on the back of my boy band trading card, my favorite fish is the cuttlefish. I’d go so far as to say I wish I were born a fucking cuttlefish most days.

Also listed among those fun facts is that I only eat birds and sea food and bubble-gum and vegetable based products. This limits my choices on any menu, and the new casino is no different in that respect. Elementary, then, is that one of the few menu items I can usually depend on to be delicious and within my narrow wildlife hypocritical range of eatin’ is the good ol seafood platter. I’ll bite the hell out of a shrimp, scallop, squid and most of our scaled friends without a second thought except in regards to my next mouthful, especially when they are cooked all together in a savory sauce. But in this crazy fucked up casino they have added my beloved cuttlefish to the mix! I can't eat those little fellers. I just can't!

“But hecka,” you may think, “what the fuck is the difference between eating a squid and a cuttlefish? You’re a racist fuck when it comes to the undersea world and it’s inhabitants! For shame!”

I have no answer to this. I can’t deny it. When it comes to animals I resist eating the cute ones.

 

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