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2:06 p.m. - 2001-12-03
Looking at hairy rags doesn't make me want to buy anything.
Alright y'all. This week I plan to run an experiment using myself for the lab monkey.

Since the last scientific experience I had was cutting Marine Biology in my senior year of high school, I am going to make up most of the parameters of this experiment and probably wont prove a god damn thing.

The objective? I plan to see if a little shit, like myself, who is teetering on the edge of depression ready to fall in like my little sister into a mud puddle while reaching for her hat that I may or may not have thrown in, (I swear I didn't push her mom!) can actually take charge of his life and get himself motivated.

Here are the factors that are against me.

1. Lack of gainful employment offers until Jan. 1st by which time my landlord will be likely upset with the lack of rent payment for Dec.

2. Internet addiction at an all time high giving ample opportunity to avoid ass getting off of.

3. The weather sucks.

4. Too broke to have any fun (see #1 above)

5. Television plays those fucked up infomercials at all hours of the day now. You know, the ones that are designed to ruin the spirits of the unemployed people who are up watching TV until four in the morning? Well now they can be seen any time. For example, that hair removing spray that they demonstrate on the man who looks like big foot. What the fuck. Seeing somebody spray a hairy man's back with chemicals, and then wipe the hair off with a rag, and then SHOW the hair covered rag to the camera makes me want to vomit for at least a half dozen reasons. I think #5 may be the biggest hurdle.

What I have going for me?

1.Motherfucking genius.

2.Easily amused.

3. Ummm…good at listing stuff.

4. Okay…fuck you and this experiment.

On to other science news; it's cold as fuck. I've turned soft since I moved back down to Cali. When I was a fisherman in Canada, ( I can't wait to torment my kids with this story one day) we used to work out on the water while it was snowing. The present me has no idea what cold is. He also has no concept of the meaning of hard work compared to Fishermanfresh. That lil' sunofagun worked his ass half off and then froze it the rest of the way off. Then grew a new one and did it all over again.

What an idiot I was back then.

Anyway, if you didn't get a look at Mara's insult generator, go take a look. I sat there and argued with it for hours. It could very well be #6 on the above list, except I finally won in the end.

Also look in on Ms-M. if she's not already on your regular list. Her site is a great example of Canadian humour, and oft makes me feel homesick for Shreddies, Lotto 6/49, Turtles and sex starved Canadian women.

Long live science! Unless they keep using it for disgusting hair removal products in which case, science go to hell!


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