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7:55 p.m. - 2002-12-05 Having scissors for hands would be great during the holidays for wrapping gifts and such, but come one, PENIS HANDS?!? Think of how much more effectively you could flip-off a stupid motorist in traffic if you had dicks for hands! Even better though, in my estimation, would be having a hand for a penis. That sucker could be buttoning and zipping up your fly while you were using your traditional hands for affixing your clip on tie or defending yourself from the angry husband who came home from work early to find you in bed with his wife. (Of course I would never be involved in such a scenario as regular [or a little bit better than regular] penised Heckafresh, but if I had a hand for a dick I am sure my morals would have to change accordingly). Also, it would make for more convenient testicular scratching. There have been many times at work that I cursed the lord for not giving us all and extra hand so I could hold shit in place while I held a nail and a hammer, but I don�t think I would be too comfortable swinging tools around my penis, even with my skills.
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