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7:55 p.m. - 2002-12-05
Eli Penis-head
It is a widely accepted opinion that sequels generally do not measure up to the original if the topic that one is yapping about is Hollywood movies. I don’t like most movies of the Hollywood persuasion, and as much as the likers of said movies would wish to point their fingers at me and claim snob…well they are probably right in that regard. Anyway, it was brought to my attention a while ago through the wonders of porn spam that there is a sequel to the Tim Burton film “Edward scissor hands” that sounds like it could very well be the exception that proves the rule stated above. I have never seen “Edward Scissor Hands” and have yet to see the sequel, but I know which one sounds more interesting to me.

Having scissors for hands would be great during the holidays for wrapping gifts and such, but come one, PENIS HANDS?!? Think of how much more effectively you could flip-off a stupid motorist in traffic if you had dicks for hands! Even better though, in my estimation, would be having a hand for a penis. That sucker could be buttoning and zipping up your fly while you were using your traditional hands for affixing your clip on tie or defending yourself from the angry husband who came home from work early to find you in bed with his wife. (Of course I would never be involved in such a scenario as regular [or a little bit better than regular] penised Heckafresh, but if I had a hand for a dick I am sure my morals would have to change accordingly).

Also, it would make for more convenient testicular scratching.

There have been many times at work that I cursed the lord for not giving us all and extra hand so I could hold shit in place while I held a nail and a hammer, but I don’t think I would be too comfortable swinging tools around my penis, even with my skills.


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