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12:59 a.m. - 2001-12-19
Shut the hell up, Heckafresh.

Tonight I didn't open any of the wrong bottles. Wahoo! Each day I don't fuck up, my wrong bottle opening per day average drops like a motherfucker. In three days I'll be averaging less than one wasted bottle per night! Not too shabby.

I am busting my ass up in there and am making friends with a lot of the kitchen staff, who I found out subsequently, like to load up their friends with free food! Tonight I got my grub on proper.

A huge plate of fried calamari. I was in the middle of chowing down when I remembered that I am Jewish, and that calamari is not kosher.

Fuck! Right in the middle of Chanukah and everything. Then I remembered that I don't keep kosher.

Whew. So I kept eating.

Then I remembered that calamari are little squids, tentacles and all. Eeww! Then I remembered I had a big gob full at that moment and it tasted like chewy, battered, fried heaven dipped in tartar sauce.

So I forked some more of the little suckers in.

Then I remembered how cute those little suction cupped bastards are on TV, all swimmin' around and squirtin' ink and shit, and I was eating 'em like popcorn. What a monster!

Then I remembered what that squid did to the submarine in 20,000 leagues under the sea that time and realized that squids are no friend of mine, and chewed the crap out of some more.

Then I came home and wondered what the fuck I could write about in my journal and remembered something I had been meaning to write about for ages.

Then I remembered that I had squids for dinner, for free no less, at my new shit job.

Then I wrote about it in the most annoying fashion possible. Then I remembered that people actually try to squeeze some semblance of entertainment from my keyboard smackings.

Then I remembered that this is my online diary, and that I keep it just for me.

Then I remembered that anyone who claims to keep an unlocked online journal just for themselves is full of shit.

Then I remembered that I'm full of shit.

Then I started annoying even my full of shit self with the whole "then I remembered" thing, and tried to get back to my point.

But I forget what it is.

PS: note to self: If you ever call me a fucking idiot again you'll wish you had built that guillotine you were talking about. Yeah you, you little squid eating bitch!


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