Get your own
 diary at! contact me older entries newest entry

1:16 p.m. - 2002-02-10
End it. Please.
What a beautiful, tragic dream.

It was a modern variation of Romeo and Juliet, with Steve the Dell computer guy as Romeo and the little Pepsi girl as Juliet.

In my dream, their love for each other was forbidden, yet the power of the connection they had from being two over rated, incredibly annoying commercial campaign characters could not be denied.

You see, even though the majority of the population knew that it was the fact that Dell was selling incredibly powerful PC's at rock bottom prices through cutting anything resembling customer service out of the equation that was making their sales skyrocket, there were some executives somewhere who liked to believe that it was this dip shit Steve that was propelling their success.

And despite an unscientific pole of everyone I know that shows that if that little Pepsi girl were to start up with the "Bah-Bah Bah Bah Bah" shit within arms reach of most consumers they would gladly do the twenty five to life sentence in order to depress her permanent mute button, those in charge of the Pepsi campaign still attribute their sales numbers this teeth grittingly irritating series.

This is what brings these two souls together, the lack of talent, good looks, well conceived foundation, and inexplicable ongoing success.

In my dream they found each other, these two, and fell deeply in love, a love for the ages filled with romance and public displays of a affection that not unlike their respective commercials resemble a horrible crime scene, disgusting and intriguing all at once.

But then it happened. John law stepped in and said that even though the Pepsi girl's age couldn't accurately be determined with out use of a carbon dating test (I mean really, how long has she looked exactly the fucking same), it was disturbing enough and dangerous enough to apply the statutory laws to this star crossed love affair.

Steve tried to be charming, the little Pepsi girl attempted to be cute, to no avail. The prosecuting attorney merely uttered the word "offspring" and rested their case.

They were given five bitter sweet minutes to say their last good-byes in the judges chambers, and that is when they carried out their terrible romantic plot to stay in each others arms forever.

I won't go into gruesome detail regarding their deaths, but it was great, believe me.

"Where's the tragedy!?!" you scream?

I know this may sound like an incredibly happy ending to a dream that could have only been sweeter had it fallen on St.Valentine's eve itself, but sadly we were not meant to enjoy the fruit of this horrible, fantastic double suicide. You see, the inventors of the little Pepsi girl have at least a half dozen of the little bitches cloned and ready to go, and, even though there was only one Steve and he is dead and cremated, just as it would seem the "Dude, you're getting a Dell" series was filmed over ten years ago when his whole Bill an Ted's Excellent Adventure style shtick was still a little fresh and timely and thus there are over forty more installments yet to be released.

Poor, poor TV watching public.


previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at!