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6:48 p.m. - 2002-02-14
Posted, lost, found, refurbished and reissued for VD.
Dear diary,

I know that lately I have been busy getting used to a new job and new schedule and I haven't been paying you the attention that you have become accustom to. I'm aware that it has been hard for you to have me come home and want go straight to the gym without saying hello, and to sit here alone while I go to bed early leaving your keys untapped, your new entry field empty, your last updated date unchanged.

I know.

But look darling, I want you to trust that I still love you with every fiber of my being and there is nothing that will ever change that. Know in your heart that the love I have for you is as solid as a piece of gold in a '49er's mining pan as he cackles and sifts through the river's silt, elated in the knowledge that he has finally struck it rich and is legally named as the sole owner of the claim. Before Bugs Bunny shows up I mean. That is how solid my love for you is, diary. Even as the sand and dirt and mud and junk are washed away by the water flowing through the mining pan, precisely measured at the weathered hand of that afore mentioned old coot, our love remains, heavy and glittery and worth almost as much as marijuana per ounce.

That's how much I love you.

Now you have to believe me when I say that it won't always be this way, me so caught up in work and what those insensitive bastards like to call "real life". But if we can just see our way through this transition, our bond will only become stronger because of it.

What? Yes there is a computer at work. Sure I use it, it's part of my job. No, of course she's not prettier than you! No I haven't noticed, I mean of course I see her she's sitting right on my desk all day, but it's all strictly business! Um, I don't know, Pentium something or other…look! Who cares! I can't use the internet for personal use.

Oh, this is beautiful, now I'm trying to keep you from meeting her, huh? And I suppose you'd like it better if I was all "Hi, this is my first week at this job, meet my online diary that will serve to distract me from my duties and give me ample opportunity to talk shit about you all in public. Could you give me my orientation later, boss? I have to write an entry now about monkeys and how they make me laugh with all of the antics and the diapers and the "Oooo! Oooo! Aaaahh! Aaaahh's!"

Ohhh great! Here come the waterworks. Awww, don't cry. Come on sweetie…of course you're more than just a distraction to me, but if I don't take this job seriously then I'm gonna have to go back to being a bar baboon and who knows how long I can support us on that money.

Look, let's make a deal, you just give me another week or so to get settled in at my new job and I promise I'll make sure that I pay you more attention, okay? Come on, give me a smile…come o--there, that's what I like to see.

I have missed you, diary. Your round, succulent O's, your firm space bar and soft, yielding mouse buttons…mmm…when I see your tight little backspace I just want to…*pleh*.

I really should wipe this keyboard off every now and then. *petoo*.

What? Actually that is a banana in my pocket.

 

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