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12:31 a.m. - 2003-04-16
Lucky to be lonely.
I forgot about it.

Bean has only been gone less than a week, and the first few days were normal, but now I am becoming reacquainted with you know what. It is not that bad because in this case it is very finiteóshe returns next Mondayóbut it is familiar and almost comforting in a way.

It has a definite upside. I have spoken to two of my old friends with whom I have been out of touch for years, one has a daughter who is three and a half that I have never met even though they live a mere half hour and bridge toll away from me. I have plans to see them both soon, a result of being knocked out of the orbit that routine becomes.

Iím not the only one who misses Bean; her roommate is feeling the displacement that has occurred in her day as well.

Itís good, I think. It is a reminder of what I have, and of what it would mean to not have it.

What would happen if Bean and I split? I would be far more able to deal with it than my last messy break-up, I think, if not only from what that experience taught me, from what other experience since has taught me. I would lose the future that I have forecasted for myself, one that by the laws of life is inaccurate anyway. I would miss out on future joys that we would bring into each others life, a subject I have thought about already in terms of counting all the benefits we have experienced by having not broke up in the very beginning, when things were shaky between us. But I know that life would keep on going, and I know that new paths would lead to new places.

That said, I like the path that I am on right now. I love my job. Love it. The company takes good care of me, the work is satisfying, the pay is good, and I am good at it. If a young man is capable of giving advice I would like to encourage everyone who doesnít have this in their lives to try their damndest to get it, because it fucking rocks.

I still have my friends, an unshakable foundation that has been solidified and grows only stronger through the years.

I have my health so far.

I have my family.

I have my sense of humor, a sword and shield that has yet to let me down.

And, I have Bean. I simply love that woman. I want to share her burdens, just so I can celebrate with her when they are lifted. We donít complete each other, but fuck we compliment each other well.

I miss you Bean, I am ready to be complimented by you again. I wish Monday would hurry up already. In the meantime though, counting my blessings and catching up with old friends, including loneliness, is proving to be fruitful.

 

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